Review: Evol Chipotle Chicken Mac & Cheese

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Those of you who read Shameless Consumer will know that I like my macaroni and cheese like I like my women: With a thick crust. That sounds disgusting, who writes this garbage? I could be thinking of pizza, I always get the two mixed up. What’s important is that Evol’s Chipotle Chicken Mac & Cheese has a crust which, unlike my great aunt’s mustache, doesn’t tickle when it touches my face. Evol, for those of you who have never seen a grocery store, is a company that specializes in all natural foods. Their chicken is fed a 100% vegetarian diet, and is kept free of antibiotics and hormones, although as I understand it they are regularly used to product test new American Eagle shirts. They don’t fit well. The bowl is compostable and the box is recyclable, and the food is allegedly edible. This product couldn’t be more environmentally friendly if it included a copy of An Inconvenient Truth on DVDs manufactured from recycled feces with every box.

Hopefully you will see a long line of Evol products featured here at Shameless Consumer, given that my local Target is now finally stocked with something other than Weight Watchers and Green Giant. To start, I figured why not go with one of the hardest foods to screw up: macaroni and cheese. Today’s picking is Chipotle Chicken Mac & Cheese. The dishes come in a cardboard bowl and quickly microwaves in four minutes or in the oven for 50 covered in foil. In my case, I opted to enjoy my meal while the building was not burning down around me, so the microwave was the only option. While the food cooks, let’s check out the box, shall we?

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Evol advertises itself as “real food with simple, easy to recognize ingredients,” a statement which couldn’t be further from the truth, at least as far as “simple” goes. For what would otherwise be an obvious dish, this mac and cheese bowl has many more ingredients than you might expect, simple and easy to understand as they individually are. I kid you not, for a macaroni and cheese with chicken and tortilla crumble, there are no less than sixty ingredients. Holy cow! I almost feel unworthy of eating such a meal, but Target says that an inferiority complex does not constitute a valid reason to give a refund. I do have to ask why anyone thought to put teriyaki sauce in this, which is made from Tamari, a soy sauce that has less wheat and more soy than standard soy sauce. I just looked that up and you thought I knew that from memory. Jokes on you.

This food, along with most of Evol’s items, carries a C- rating over at our friends Food Facts dot com. The dish receives merits for low calories, low cholesterol, containing fiber, no controversial ingredients, and great with vitamins and minerals. There are some problems with high sodium and added sugar, however, not to mention saturated fats. For one bowl, you’re looking at 50% your daily value of saturated fat. Also to note is 65mg cholesterol, 43g carbs, 630mg of sodium or a single loaded potato skin from TGI Fridays. On the other hand, you’ll get 36% your daily requirement of protein, 15% vitamin A, 20% calcium, and 8% iron. You also get the piece of mind that somewhere a hippy is staying happily employed.

Now let’s talk about the food itself. If this is the quality I can expect from further Evol items, I must say that I’m impressed. The combination of tortilla crumble and bread crumbs makes a crust that is crispy and chewy where it needs to be, like a piece of gum found stuck under a chair that’s hardened on the outside but soft and flavorful in the center. The macaroni is covered in cheese and cooks up perfectly, the cheese itself is rather mild but the small bits of chipotle chicken give it a nice kick. I have a bit of a problem with the chicken pieces being so small that I almost forget they were in there, I did manage to fish a few out and they’re slightly larger than your average pencil shaving. Not impressed.

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Like any better-than-average food, this bowl of mac & cheese is over far too soon. I will miss you, Evol Chipotle Chicken Mac & Cheese. At least until the next time I go to the store and get more, but there will be a period of about a half hour where I’ll just be inconsolable. I give this meal two thumbs up, and I have no idea how to end this review so I will fill the insult quota. Go out and buy a bowl, you cheap bastard.

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