Since my last post, literally thousands of you have emailed in to ask “Omali, I see you’re out of witness protection, what’s the scoop?” Well, luckily for me, Ashley is terrible at rigging car bombs and only managed to blow up a small portion of my vehicle. The benefit is that the group Mothers Indulging Lactose for Kids has been officially labeled a domestic terror group as a result and I have full assurance that Gordon Ramsay is leading the crew that will bring them to justice. Otherwise I appear to be completely safe.
I have always loved Bumble Bee’s canned foods, as I slowly make my way toward inevitable mercury poisoning while overindulging in a combination of canned tuna, fish fries, and other such niceties. I had no idea, however, that Bumble Bee made canned crabmeat and shrimp. Since my local CVS had both on sale for 2/$5, normally $3.69 a piece, I decided to grab both and give them a swing. Yes, they are completely safe. They have omega-3 in excellent supply, and since it’s surrounded by a red ring you know it has to be good for you.
First off I was surprised to see that this was shredded, which the Bumblebee website describes as “great for dips and hors d’ouvres. It’s a bit late to make dip, and I wasn’t entirely sure what crabmeat had to do with whores or a desire to do over and start a new life, until I looked up the term online and saw that it actually means “appetizer.” Well butter my butt and call me Sally, I had no idea I was eating fancy food. I don’t even have a main course laid out for after I’m done shoveling this canned crab meat down my food hole.
Once you drain the can, the crab meat dries up nice and actually has a fine taste to it. Like you’d expect from a Bumblebee product, the crab meat doesn’t have that disgusting canned, ready to be stored until after the apocalypse taste to it. You can store it until after the apocalypse if you want, it’s good until October 2016. It isn’t exactly a meal in and of itself, unless you really like the pure taste of crab meat in which case I still say Bumblebee’s website is correct and the meat would go best as a dip or in a crab meat salad. The meat has a nice firm texture to it, and you can tell that Bumblebee did the best it could in getting out those little clear tendon pieces, although the meat isn’t completely devoid of them and you probably won’t notice them anyway.
And speaking of crab meat salad, I decided to throw in some mayo and a few diced up gherkins to make myself a trailer trash crab salad.
Healthwise, this is pretty much what you should expect out of crab meat. Low in fat, just 1% of your daily total fat in each serving with 0% trans fat, saturated fat, polyunsat fat, and mono fat. So kiss the meat all you want, you have my guarantee that you will not catch mono, or fat. Granted, there is the little issue of the crab meat alone carrying 20% your daily requirement of cholesterol, 40% if you eat the whole can. Then again, you do get 6% calcium, 2% iron, and 20% selenium. I know what you’re thinking, what the hell is Selenium? It’s an automated web browser.
No, sorry. Selenium is the active ingredient in most dandruff shampoos. Medline says that Selenium is possibly good for high cholesterol, which you will have if you eat a lot of this crab meat. Otherwise the health benefits are somewhat questionable and Selenium only seems to be good for a deficiency of Selenium, and I didn’t need a doctor to tell me that.
Overall I give the crab meat two thumbs up, since I was able to half-ass it and still make something presentable to my stomach. Bumblebee has excellent quality foods, and this doesn’t disappoint either. If you do happen to pick this up at CVS, use the coupon code OMALI at the cash register. It won’t get you anything, but feel free to high five the cashier.