Fruttare caught my eye in the same way many of my review topics do: I’m at Tops at one in the morning and for some reason I’m in the freezer section looking for distilled water because I have breathing problems and if I put tap water into the humidifier it leaves a blanket of lime scale on everything. I had to grab something from Fruttare after seeing the company’s “how we see it” page, which despite have a lot of big words really doesn’t form any kind of cohesive mission statement. Like an out of touch businessman who doesn’t really speak English trying to reach out to American hippies based solely on his weak knowledge of language and watching a few Cheech and Chong films from back in the day. So let’s open this sucker up and get a good look at it.
The banana smell that fires out of the little baggy doesn’t so much steamroll your senses as it does club you over the head, take your unconscious body back to its cave, and make you its bride. Come to think of it, this smells a whole lot like those banana flavored candy. Not the banana shaped pieces, but that powerful smelling stuff that they used in Banana Splits, the banana flavored taffy. For someone like myself who enjoys being battered by the smell of banana to the point where someone might make a Rhianna joke (which we here at Shameless Consumer do not tolerate jokes about domestic violence), this is a plus. If you aren’t such a fan, I’m not sure why you’re buying these to begin with.
As I constantly have to remind my viewers here: I’m not an idiot, I am a scientist. I know exactly what happens when you freeze bananas, they look nasty and get all brown and appear to be rotten even if they’ve just been in there for a day or two (I’m using scientific terms, try to keep up). So for this I applaud Fruttare for not taking the path of least resistance and making their fruit bars look all yellow and lively, like they do on the box for example. If staying true to design means that the ice cream takes on a pale, sickly color where I am never quite certain if I should be eating it or asking a priest to read burial rights, and that the banana pieces inside look like they were pulled out of the dumpster behind Target on garbage day, so be it. After all, graphics don’t make the game.
Fruttare’s top two ingredients before bananas are skim milk and sugar, and while the bananas do make a fighting attempt, you can certainly tell why the first two are on top. The three flavors crash into each other with the momentum of high speed trains colliding head on, leaving your taste buds as the collateral damage. What you are left with is a strangely unnatural banana flavor that is both overwhelmingly sweet and creamy at the same time. That isn’t to say it is bad, it’s just different than what you might expect if you’ve had other banana ice cream treats. Each bar has a total of 120 calories (30 from fat), 3.5g of total fat, 50mg of sodium, 18 grams of sugar, 1g protein, and supplies 6% of your daily requirement of Calcium.
But Fruttare proves that looks aren’t everything, and what they come out with is a relatively higher quality banana ice cream than you’d find in a gallon tub in the supermarket. Unfortunately the deal is broken once you suck down the pop and hit its nice surprise: the aftertaste. Like a banana boat made of dreams and captained directly into that island made entirely out of garbage, the aftertaste from the banana and milk ice cream bar is like having just eaten a banana you found in a dumpster that just happened to be baking in the Nevada desert. It kills any enjoyment of the product, and doesn’t do much for my enthusiasm on finishing off the 4-pack.
I will be looking into some of Fruttare’s other flavors in future reviews.
Pros: Real bananas, real skim milk, real sugar, not much in the way of filler.
Cons: Incredibly strong flavor will put some people off, disgusting aftertaste.