Review: GoPicnic Salami & Cheese

This week Shameless Consumer continues our review of GoPicnic’s product line.

As you can see in the picture, the GoPicnic Salami & Cheese comes with crackers, salami, an asiago cheese spread, chocolate pillows for desert, a cashew medley to forget about and throw away, and a tongue depressor for those of you who like to get in some doctor play with each meal.

I was surprised at just how much food comes in this box, and not because of the price but because of how low my expectations were. I counted fourteen slices of salami and fourteen whole crackers, an even amount that ensures no waste and a plus in my book.


The salami is basically the cheap stuff you get in the non-refrigerated section at the grocery store. It’s salty and greasy and I wouldn’t have it any other way. The asiago cheese is a creamy and buttery blend that spreads easy without being thin and earns its label of “gourmet.”

It also serves the purpose of Spackle to hold your salami and cheese sandwiches together while you fill out your taxes or file important documents with HR because you’re an adult and adults do that sort of thing while eating Lunchables.


Evidently my math skills haven’t improved from my Lunchable days, because I rounded out this meal with one cracker remaining to go with five slices of salami and barely enough cheese to Spackle the lot together.

But as an adult, I could appreciate finally being able to eat a lunchable without the bully beating me up and taking my dessert. Instead, my boss beat me up and took my dessert.

This meal is, as you might expect, very salty.


The chocolate pillows look someone crimped and then dried a cigar into several pieces. The outer coating is nice and chocolatey and flakes apart to reveal an inner soft chocolate center. As far as healthy desserts go, this is probably the best I’ve had in quite a while.

As for the cashew medley, the first thing I did was to segregate each part into its own section. Take a glance at the picture below and try to guess which one of the four is the most expensive:


Naturally it all tastes best when crumbled into a pile and ignored for the chocolate pillows. I have no love for dried yogurt, be it in chip form or covering raisins. Maybe it’s just me, but it always tastes like spoiled milk, bringing me back to the day when my mom would pack a yogurt in my lunch and I wouldn’t refrigerate it.

GoPicnic is quickly turning into my favorite product line to review, and I have plenty of these coming down the pipeline.

Verdict: 4.5/5. The yogurt was a real letdown.

Calories – 410
Fat – 23g
Sodium – 740mg
Saturated Fat – 9g
Cholesterol – 35mg
Carbs – 38g
Fiber – 2g
Sugar – 16g
Protein – 12g
Vitamin A – 2%
Vitamin C- 2%
Calcium – 15%
Iron – 10%


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