Those of you who peruse this website know that I pretty regularly get into, shall we call them, disagreements with the editorial staff, the guys who tell me what I’ll be reviewing. They are constantly bugging me to review new age garbage.
I know what you kids like, with your boxed soups, coconut waters, and fruits by the foots. You like your food gluten free, vegan, all natural, and tasting like compost. I can dig it, didn’t stop me from slugging an intern when he suggested reviewing energy bars made from cricket powder.
The Shameless Consumer likes simple, all-American products like pie. Sweet pies, savory pies, all kinds of pies. Who has two thumbs and needs raw kombucha soda when you’ve got a pound of ribs and a can of Pepsi? Not this guy, certainly not on the two thumbs part.
So after I challenged the Chief Editor to a bit of wrasslin’, of which I was unsurprisingly victorious, he agreed to step back and let me choose my next review. Actually he limped back. See? I can make a funny.
Banquet’s Cherry Berry Pie was a perfect choice because I love cherries just as much as I love berries, and I’m pretty sure no one has ever thought to put the two together in one pie. The berry part is just blueberries, though. You won’t find any avocado, tomato, banana, watermelon, or coffee in this one.
Normally if you want a decent frozen pie, your only choice is Marie Callender’s who is, dare I say, berry expensive (that’s another joke). Also good luck finding a frozen pie that can be safely cooked in the microwave, especially with the tin foil they make you put on the crust.
Banquet’s Cherry Berry Pie is all that and a bag of chips, and only costs $1 to boot plus another dollar for a bag of chips. The filling inside is pretty standard fare, but you know it’s really hard to screw up pie filling if you think about it. It’s like drowning in a jello cup, or taking a successful chicken fry-like product and discontinuing it.
So all things considered, I have to say this is pretty good. You can cook it in the oven but for a $1 pie you know this thing’s going into the microwave. I’d rather not risk burning it to a crisp, and that was my last dollar for the week.
After a few minutes in the microwave, what you get is a soft interior crust with a flaky outer rim. The pie filling inside is nice and sweet with plenty of berries to go around, with the addition of a sweet juice thanks to the combination of cherry juice (from concentrate) and brown sugar.
Banquet’s Cherry Berry Pie gets an F from our friends over at Food Facts, citing high sugar, high sodium, controversial ingredients, high calories, and high saturated fat. The dish does get points for low cholesterol, fiber, vitamins and minerals, and being a great source of folic acid.
Boy howdy are there a lot of vitamins and minerals. Just take a look below the verdict. And sure, it’s not healthy for you, but it’s pie. You’re not supposed to eat it every day, it’s not bacon.
Food Facts seems to have problems with the mono and diglycerides, which it describes as basically being trans fats, a heavy contributor towards obesity. Despite this, there are no trans fats listed.
Verdict – 4/5. A tasty treat that is cheap and easy to cook. It’s also terrible for you.
Calories – 370
Total Fat – 15g
Saturated Fat – 6g
Cholesterol – 10mg
Sodium – 650mg
Potassium – 150mg
Carbs – 56g
Fiber – 2g
Sugar – 23g
Protein – 3g
vitamin b6 – 8%
vitamin c – 2%
vitamin a – 2%
vitamin b12 – 6%
folic acid – 10%
thiamin – 8%
riboflavin – 4%
manganese – 15%
iron – 4%