Review: Popeye’s Cheddar Biscuit Shrimp With Ghost Pepper Jam

Marco Brambilla’s Demolition Man movie depicts the far future of 2032 where violence and sex are a thing of the past, everyone is PC and weak, and the only surviving music are tv ad jingles. While most people assume that this movie was a fictional story, the Shameless Consumer can confirm that these are actual events that will occur in our future. I should know, I came with Brambilla in the time machine. He wanted to warn everyone about the impending dystopian future, I just wanted to get my hands on some French Toast Crunch. They discontinue it in 2020 and it never gets picked up again. Ask Marco yourself, he’ll deny knowing me just as violently as my family does.

But apart from the three seashells in the bathroom (which I will be reviewing in approximately ten years), the thing most people remember about the movie are the franchise wars. All that Marco tells the audience is that Taco Bell won the franchise wars, and thus every restaurant is Taco Bell. In reality, Taco Bell didn’t win the franchise wars, Marco and I went to Taco Bell after coming back to the far past (the more recent past for you folks) and got some Taco Bell, and the guy put sour cream in his nacho supreme even though he asked for no sour cream, and Marco got pissed and decided to slander them and make them pay for product placement.

What you didn’t see was the scene after Sylvester Stallone eats at the fancy Taco Bell restaurant where Marco shot a very long, graphic, and detailed scene of Stallone’s mud butt. The scene was cut to avoid an NC-17 rating. In all honesty, Little Caesar’s wins the franchise wars because all of their restaurants were secretly built to withstand improvised explosives. Test it out for yourself! Nobody eats pizza in the future.

But enough about history, or more specifically your future and my history, let’s talk about Popeye’s.

Popeye’s is the distinctly not-KFC chicken brand that people love to eat, and like its eventual Kentucky Fried Arsonist (check back in 2022 for more information), Popeye’s pretty regularly comes out with new ways to batter its food. The latest is cheddar biscuit butterfly shrimp, shrimp coated in none other than cheddar biscuit breading.

Who doesn’t like cheddar biscuits, apart from the unborn or Nazis, and who doesn’t like Popeye’s apart from the arsonists hired by KFC five years from now? Nobody, that’s who.

If Red Lobster ever commissioned Lush to develop a cheddar biscuit bath bomb, it probably wouldn’t be as powerful as the smell coming out of this box. It’s like my nose is an unsupervised Vietnamese child navigating hundreds of miles of cheddar biscuit landmines left over from the franchise wars. I’d like to stick two of these pieces of shrimp up my nose and leave them there, ensuring that the delicious smell of cheddar and biscuits never leaves me.

In case my analogy was too offensive, what I’m trying to say is that the Shameless Consumer can’t get enough of the cheddar biscuit smell. If God sent his only child down to modern day America to act as a sacrifice, as he does in 2027 to end the franchise wars, he would probably show up in the form of a living cheddar biscuit. But enough educating for today, I’m just waxing poetic on my past.

What you get is a thickly breaded shrimp that oozes biscuity goodness. The cheddar takes a back end to the biscuit flavor, the two parts melding into a delicious concoction. For comparison, imagine taking the top part of a Red Lobster biscuit, the crispy yet slightly chewy, buttery, cheddary biscuit, and wrapping it around a shrimp. That is the Popeye’s Cheddar Biscuit Shrimp.

And I’m surprised to say that the pepper jelly was quite tasty despite being called “ghost pepper” and not being even slightly spicy. It is quite sweet and peppery, and goes well with the shrimp.

Ultimately, I have to give this a two thumbs up, for $5 with a side and biscuit, it’s not a bad deal.

Verdict; 4.5/5 – The sauce could be spicier. I am about to be sued by KFC, Popeye’s, Lush, Marco Brambilla, and very likely the FBI anti-terrorism unit. They are all wrong.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s